how can u be prego again
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
