i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
