I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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