D3 body, D1 cock
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
