i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
