Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
