Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
