I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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