he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize