Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
