My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
