So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
