i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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