it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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