doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
