there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
