i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If its not for food we ain't going out.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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