I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
