Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
