And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
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