I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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