How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Help. Why am I so naked?
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