somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
