i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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