Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
