Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
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gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i think i just lost a toe
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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