I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize