The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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