we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
