Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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