Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
