I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
