Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
