I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I've blown a few things in my day
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
