Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
