I wannas sexs uuuuu
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
