I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
