The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
