We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
