so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
