she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
