I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
