so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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