highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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