How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
