I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
