wakey wakey hands off snakey
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
