u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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