I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
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