I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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