Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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