But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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