Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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