I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
