Can i not drive my cunt home
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
