I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
