I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
