You just made me feel so damn special
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
