why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
