somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
