Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize