guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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