So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
