Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
